


The One Where She Lived Unhappily Every After

by MightyMidget



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Based On A Tumblr Post - Duh, Delusional Phoebe, Delusions, Forced Prostitution, Heavy Angst, Homeless Phoebe, How It COULD Have Ended, Living In The Park, Multi, Pimp Mike, Prostitution, Stalker Phoebe, They Are Not Friends, This Broke My Beta - Seriously, it was all a dream, like a baby, she cried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MightyMidget/pseuds/MightyMidget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phoebe catches up with her 'friends' at the coffee house...until Gunther comes along and ruins her daydream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where She Lived Unhappily Every After

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT A HAPPY FIC! Phoebe is a delusional homeless woman who lives in the park and loves to spy on her 'friends', but they have never actually met. This is based on a post I read on Tumblr where Phoebe was never a part of the group, but merely a crazy homeless woman who imagined her whole life involving the group of people who regularly meet at the coffee house. She spends her time staring in the window at them wishing she had friends like them. It was all a lie! Do not read if easily upset! Seriously, my Beta is the queen of Angst and she cried herself to sleep last night! I didn't know I had it in me.
> 
> ...oh good Chuck, what have I done?

The rain lashed down in dreadful torrents as she walked quickly down the street towards the coffee house - her friends should be there by now, and she was running late. Mike had kept her longer than usual and she was just glad she’d managed to get away when she did. Any longer and they might have left before she got there.   
  
Central Perk always had a gorgeously warm glow about the place, and even from the outside you could feel the warmth radiating through the shining window panes. It was the kind of place that would never make the cover of any magazine, but it was infamous in its own charming way. There was not a single person from neighbourhoods around that didn’t love the place in their own way, and even Phoebe herself had found herself hoping that they would never think to take it away. Where would she see her friends if not at the coffee house.   
  
When she finally reached the outside of the shop she had to wipe away some of the condensation from the front window to see inside, worried that when she peered in she might be greeted by an empty sofa, but she was not disappointed.   
  
Sitting around the little table with their various mugs and sweet things where her friends - Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler and Joey. She knew them all so well that even looking in at them from outside she felt she could tell exactly what was going on with them right now.   
  
Ross was lounged back in his seat with his legs splayed, comfortable and wearing a slightly mocking smile which was directed at Rachel, who was scowling but with no real heat behind her expression. Those two were forever breaking up and making up, sometimes so fast it would make your head spin, and their constant will they/won’t they relationship was equal parts annoying and hilarious. Phoebe couldn’t count how many times she’d sat listening to them bickering on at each other like an old married couple, but no matter what was said or what they went through, it was obvious their love for the other was strong. They’d make it through eventually...with a little help from their friends.   
  
Monica was gesturing at Ross, saying something which Phoebe couldn’t quite make out through the glass, and since the night was wet and windy even when the doorway to Central Perk opened she couldn’t hear what was being said. Whatever it was, Ross looked put out and huffed, hiding himself behind his coffee cup as the rest of the gang laughed at Monica’s joke...if that’s what it was.   
  
Chandler was sitting very close to Monica, and when she had spoken up he had inadvertently put his hand on her thigh, smiling secretively at her when Ross wasn’t looking. It was no use hiding that budding relationship from the rest of the gang, everyone but Ross knew about it and he was going to be majorly peeved when he found out for himself. Monica didn’t want to tell him just yet because she knew he was having such a hard time at work and to tell him that she, his little sister, was dating his best friend...well the shock might push him over the edge.   
  
Rachel was smirking widely at the group as a whole, pretty in her confidence and beautiful in general - she always looked amazing and Phoebe would admit only to herself that she was a little jealous of Rachel. She could only wish to be as beautiful and confident as Rachel was, but she would never allow that jealousy to overtake her respect for the woman.   
  
The gang were too busy chatting happily together to notice the drenched and dripping figure outside of the window, peering longingly in at them, but Gunther - the peroxide blonde, prissy little cafe owner was not so blind. He spotted her while he was taking fresh coffee to Rachel, smiling his doey eyed smile at the girl who barely noticed he existed, and when he saw her through the glass his expression changed from politely ruffled to angry in mere seconds. He placed a hand on Rachel’s shoulder and muttered something in her ear, glaring disgustedly when the woman gasped and looked up at Phoebe through the window. The gang followed her gaze and all of them looked mildly embarrassed at finding her staring at them...again. Monica had a quick conversation with Gunther who nodded and placed his tray down, walking quickly to the door and opening it with a bang.   
  
“How many times do I have to tell you to scram? You can’t just be staring in at my best customers like this…” Gunther snapped, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at the dirty faced girl before him.   
  
“No but, you see...my friends…” Phoebe stuttered, trying to find the words to express to Gunther why she was standing here in the first place but failing miserably. How could you explain something that you didn’t understand yourself?   
  
“They are  _ not _ your friends, they don’t even know you and you are making them uncomfortable...now beat it, before I call the cops!” Gunther spat, holding his ground and watching as the girl’s face went white. She grabbed up her guitar case from her feet and scurried off into the night, not looking back when Gunther shouted that she had better stay away next time or he wouldn’t give her a warning. She couldn’t have the cops on her again...Mike would kill her if she brought the attention down on his head, and besides...she need the money she earned in his  _ business _ . She was his best girl after all.   
  
A little ways down the street she slowed her pace, feeling a little safer now she was out of view of the coffee house and the little hitler that ran it. She knew she would have to steer clear for the next week or so until he calmed down but that was okay, there were plenty of places she could catch up with her friends. Maybe she’d take a walk down to their building tomorrow and hang around outside...across the street of course, she could even set up and maybe earn a bit of cash while she was at it. It couldn’t hurt to walk the street for awhile, maybe someone would pay for her time.   
  
She passed by the old sex shop on her left and the inside was darkened, and she turned to stare into the window, her own broken reflection staring right back at her. Her hair was soaked and hanging down around her face, shielding the view of her cracked lips and the sores which had been there for the past week...she’d have to pay a visit to the clinic before they got any worse otherwise her business would go right down the drain and Mike wouldn’t like that one bit. He was a good man, he really was, and he always knew what was best...he had a firm hand but he knew when to use it and if she was slacking well then she couldn’t blame him for getting mad at her...could she? The name over the shop was Ursula, and she couldn’t help but laugh at little at the stupidity of the name. It sounded like the kind of name you’d give one of the ugly sisters in a fairy tale, and Phoebe wondered who the hell would call a sex shop Ursula? She shook her head and kept on walking, thinking there were some strange people in the world.   
  
She finally made it to the entrance to the park and before she made it onto the path she veered off and went in search of her bag. She had stored it their earlier in the day, the same way she did every morning to keep it out of view of any thieves, and went about her day as usual but now that it was bedtime she would need the contents of it if she wanted to get any sleep at all tonight. Phoebe checked inside to make sure everything was still there, smiling when she found nothing out of place, and gathered it up into her arms. It was far too bulky to carry around with her all day, and although it scared her to leave it behind she really had no choice. That was the problem with living the way she did...you never had any guarantees that you or your stuff would be safe. You could only hope that when it was all over you could rest your head at night and wait for the morning to come...and pray you’d still be there to see it.   
  
Phoebe made her way out of the bushes and started her walk out towards the fountain, checking around to make sure she was alone. No one who knew her would dare to take her spot but on occasion she had found a ‘newbie’ sleeping on her bench and had to ‘see them off’...they never made the same mistake twice.   
  
Once she found her bench, pleasantly empty just in front of the fountain, she pulled out her bag and extracted six dirty but brightly coloured umbrellas. She popped open each of them one by one and positioned them over the bench - they were old and a little rough around the edges but they would keep off the majority of the rain and that was all she could hope for tonight. It made her happy to see their different colours lit up in the lamp light, and when she was done she lay down on the bench and curled up, pulling her jacket tightly around her body for warmth.   
  
Sleep had never come easy for her, living on the street meant she had to sleep with one eye open, but whenever she found herself too wired to sleep she would close her eyes and remember how years ago, when she had been just a little girl, her mother would come into her room and sing to her softly.   
  
“So no one told you life was gonna be this way...your jobs a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.” She sang softly to herself, trying to drown out the sounds of a police siren wailing in the distance. “It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear...when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year…” Tears started to stream slowly down her face, mixing with the little rain which was still making its way through a gap in the umbrellas. “I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before. I’ll be there for you...cause you’re there for me to…”   
  
She went to sleep. It had been another long day.


End file.
